Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Cake: On Birthdays and Dreams Deferred

I'm trying to do homework.

I know, it's the 4th of July, right? And clearly, if I'm posting, I'm not getting much done. My heart hasn't been in much lately, just because I've been hoping for news that my life would change drastically.

The silence has been deafening.

And now it's time to move on. While the end is not official and the wait continues, the next cycle moves on and waits for no one. I received some feedback on what I can work on and all I can do is tick off as much of that to-do list as much as possible.

Hence, the homework. I'm never going to discuss my stats on this website, but I will say that those who know the process might have scoffed at the idea of a humble chemist making it this far. I wasn't even a biochemist back in the day, meaning I took more physics than biology along with the usual chemistry courses.

Oh, did I mention I'm terrible at math? I love to joke that I'm the only Asian-American who can't add, but it's sadly true that I have no knack with mathematics. What is physics? Yes, applied mathematics, meaning that the slew of physics courses I took as an undergrad were more of a chore than anything. My grades weren't pretty. Life also had its bumps in those days, so there's a lot to make up for.

I did, for the record, pass physical chemistry on the first try. So there.

It's hard not to chafe at the idea of having to do this again. To have all of my mistakes neatly laid out with the gentle reminder that I am competing against folks who don't have the blemishes. Nevermind that the good stuff is strong. This is a system that doesn't forgive mistakes. I knew that when I went into it.

So, I'm going back to school for lots of biology. I like it a lot more than physics. It's very likely that I'll be here in San Diego for another year. Not a bad place to be "stuck", of course, but I really didn't want to be here another year.

Posting will be intermittent, but this blog is never far from my mind. And I won't be completely silent. I'm still writing for San Diego CityBeat and I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Come by and say hi.

The photos? From my recent birthday, celebrated in Cayucos. A handful of friends, lots of wine, tons of food, and a gorgeous birthday cake. For my 30th birthday last year, I wanted to make my own cake decorated with I Am Baker's piped roses. I was terribly ill on my 30th, so it didn't happen. Dan refused to let me make my own cake, so he asked Cassie's Custom Cakes to make it exactly as I wanted. Vanilla/chocolate marble cake with a layer of custard and tons of buttercream roses. Perfection.

Some of the folks there, I haven't seen in months or even years. We packed the most insane picnic lunch to take on our wine-tasting outing. I watched Bear play on the beach. We even had a piƱata. I left the camera at home and took photos with my phone.

It's going to be a long year, but the joy and contentedness from that weekend will remind me that, dark parts or not, life is good and everything happens for a reason.

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Ann P. said...

You've got so much going for ya, Marie :] Wonderful hubby, beautiful city, fulfilling hobby, the smarts to do awesome in your upcoming classes... and on and on. It's coming to you, don't worry :) I took 2 ochems and 2 physics at UCSD, and it's so much better the second time around.You're going to do great <3

Melissa said...

I'm relatively new to your blog - added it to my reader recently because I'll be moving back to SD this fall and wanted to check out the food scene through your eyes. I'm de-lurking to comment for two reasons - one, I'm originally from Morro Bay and I love the photos of the beaches and coastline of my home town :) Second, because I am a biologist and I'll be returning to take a position in a lab at UCSD. As a fellow foodie and science geek, maybe we should meet up for coffee :) Keep smiling - I admire your smarts and physics and chemistry - the rest of the bio will come - and you have the passion for it now that only someone coming back because they feel driven has - half of those kids have no idea what (or why) they are there... Unblemished also means unchallenged and undefined. I'd much rather know my strengths and have a sense of purpose... Good luck and keep writing when you can!

Tracy said...

Oh Marie, I'm so sorry things didn't work out they way you were hoping. I know the feeling of having your dreams deferred, and it is an unpleasant and often heart-sickening one. I am rooting for you though, and I know you have many wonderful things in store in the road ahead. Sending you lots of love. :-)

Jenny said...

Sorry you didn't get there yet, the best things in life come to those that wait, I guess? You'll be more ready for it when it does come now...

4 bites